Please know that the holy Quran related stories of prophets and messengers who apologised to Allah by expressing their repentances to Him. They did so even though they were the highest people in rank, hence setting the ethical nature of asking for apology.
Adam and his wife Eve, pbut, asked Allah, the most Encompassing, for forgiveness. They said, “Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers.” (Al Araf: 23).
وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُواْ فَاحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُواْ أَنْفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُواْ اللّهَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُواْ لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَن يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلاَّ اللّهُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّواْ عَلَى مَا فَعَلُواْ وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ
Thereupon, Allah accepted their apology.
Noah pbuh turned back to Allah for pardon, as he said, “My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking that of which I have no knowledge. And unless You forgive me and have mercy upon me, I will be among the losers.” (Hud: 47).
قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَسْأَلَكَ مَا لَيْسَ لِي بِهِ عِلْمٌ وَإِلاَّ تَغْفِرْ لِي وَتَرْحَمْنِي أَكُن مِّنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ
Musa (Moses), pbuh, supplicated to Allah saying, “My Lord, indeed I have wronged myself, so forgive me," and He forgave him. Indeed, He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Al Qasas: 16).
رَبِّ اِنِّىۡ ظَلَمۡتُ نَفۡسِىۡ فَاغۡفِرۡ لِىۡ فَغَفَرَ لَهٗؕ اِنَّهٗ هُوَ الۡغَفُوۡرُ الرَّحِيۡمُ ﴿28:16﴾
For his part, Yunus, addressed his Lord while he was in the belly of the whale saying, “There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers.” (Al Anbiyaa: 87).
Apologizing is an act of civility, which shows respect for oneself and others. Moreover, it is a moral characteristic that every sensible person must not ignore. About it, Omar Ibn al Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “the wisest people are the most forgiving.”
Our Prophet pbuh promoted the culture of apologising amongst individuals, for it is such a character that fosters in them love, trust and compassion. For example, he pbuh warned against avoiding others for more than three days and nights. He, however, praised those who offer to apologise and promised them reward.
On this matter, he pbuh says, “it is not permissible for a Muslim to shun his brother for more than three nights. When they meet, this one turns away (from that one) and that one turns away (from this one) and the best of them is the one who greets his brother first.”
Asking for forgiveness needs to be made politely using good words, just as Allah, the most Exalted, says, “And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good].” (Fussilat: 34-35).
وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ
Truly how wonderful it is to foster this culture in our households so that the husband and the wife apologise to each other should anyone of them has done something wrong! They should do this courteously so they can feel satisfied, regain self-respect, and help themselves strengthen their bonds of love and stability.
It was narrated from Abu al Dardaa that he said to his wife Umm al Dardaa, “if I upset you I shall apologise to you, and if you upset me, you shall apologise to me. If you fail to do this, we might part any time soon.”
Parents should thus be an example in apology, tolerance, leniency, love and reconciliation.
